I miss you. There, I said it. 

I wasn’t actually gonna admit it until it disappears like how flowers die during winter. Unfortuntely, I forgot about spring and how flowers rise up like tiny suns under the warm earth. I suddenly miss your smile; I miss looking at your hands.

I miss loving you from afar.

Pathetic, isn’t it? How I fill myself with regret by crying over what was never mine. How I yearn for something that will never be mine. You were never mine and still, here I am putting words together, forming sentenes like “how I wish you were beside me”.

It’s sad that you never knew. When I saw you, sitting there swimming in your own ashes, I hated you but only for a while. You never waited for me. But, how can you know? I never told you; I was afraid.

I love you still, you see. Although I don’t miss you as much as before, afterall, it’s almost a year since you left.  

How’s heaven by the way? 

It was always there,
lines.
The lines that separated me from you,

It was always there,
and I always wondered-
“How far away am I from you?”

“If I say your name,
will you answer?”

Those lines that kept me here,
still-
afraid to say the words.

I never knew what courage meant until I was desprate.
To step out,
of the line that kept you away.

I was there, reaching out.
But I was never got closer.


Then darkness came-
and it started to rain.

You’re gone.
Never to return-
But,

It’s okay;
“I never loved anyone as much as I loved you,
so goodbye”

“for, now.”